As I was getting ready to go out this morning, I couldn't help but notice three large, scruffy and unattractive dark-haired women on my street. They stood out because it's not that kind of street. My street is full of women who insist on being blonde, trendy and tanned, regardless of whether or not these things a) are natural or b) constitute a good look for them. If there's a non-blonde scruffbag about, the chances are that it's me.
c. EssJayinNZ courtesy of Flickr
Anyway, I assumed that they were just out leafleting, or collecting catalogues, and thought no more of it. When I opened my door to go to the car though, I saw a similar looking lady having a good look in my next door neighbour's letter box. She definitely didn't put anything in there, just had a nosey around and moved on. This was even odder, especially as there had been no leaflet or catalogue pushed through my letterbox today.
As I drove around the corner, I saw yet another one, sporting more huge gold hoop earrings than is generally considered acceptable, even around here. By that point, there was only one conclusion in my mind - the pikeys were in the area, having a nosey around and looking for stuff to steal.
This gave me a bit of a dilemma, and no small amount of soul-searching. Which would be worse - to alert the police and risk being completely wrong and exposed as an appalling snob of the highest order? Or not to tell anyone, and feel awful if I later found out that a neighbour had been burgled or had their car stolen?
Were the women really just leafleting - was the second lady just perhaps a supervisor checking up on whether the leafleting had been done properly? Was I simply reflecting the local obssession with the (alleged) thieving antics of our neighbouring community of Irish Travellers?
Am I an appalling snob of the highest order? Has the unthinkable happened, and I have become a tedious, middle-class curtain-twitcher?
What would I even say to the police? 'Excuse me officer, but there are some fat, ugly women on my street, wearing far too much hideous gold jewellery'?
It's hardly an attractive sentiment, is it?
Still, the Community Support Officers have been round, and all is quiet at the moment. Perhaps next time, I'll just call the Fashion Police instead.
What would you have done?
8 comments:
Oooh you've got me worried now. I am often seen rummaging around in people's letter boxes because thats where they leave their avon books for me. Luckily they all know me in my community so I haven't been handcuffed and thrown in the paddy wagon yet.....lol.
That would have certainly been a dilemma. I think I would have watched for a while to see if they were indeed doing anything sinister or otherwise just gone out and made my presence felt. If they were up to no good that probably would be enough to send them on their way. You just can't be too careful though can you?
And this is of course the most rational explanation - especially considering that I refused the Betterware catalogue last time they came round, so of course they wouldn't have bothered lookng for one at my house...
I do feel bad about being so suspicious - I must stop reading the local rags, I am sure they are funded by the campaign to get the traveller camp demolished!
This is very funny. And not just because it taught me the word "scruffbag". I'm not sure what to advise, but I will say, I'm usually found watchfully peering out the window of our blonde street, too.
WA - welcome, and I am always glad to bring some of my Brit Northerness into others' lives! The neighbours are just there to be watched, surely - lad next door has written off 5 cars now, and you should see the fake tan on her down the road...it's what I live for!
Hmm well this is indeed a dilemma: Ms R would be offended to find fat, ugly women en masse in her street. However best to stick with Comm Support since Fashion Police don't deal with big sizes.
I think the Fashion Police would probably resign on the grounds of work-related trauma were they ever to set foot in this town. You should see it on a Monday morning...when I feel comparatively stylish and well-groomed in the supermarket, something is definitely not right!
this is a funny blog...I am afraid its me being spied on by my neighbors though...
Hi pat - I do try to amuse; myself mainly, but it's always nice to hear it from others! So what do you get up to in the street that gets your neighbours curtains going?
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