I've been having fun and games with Next* recently. To cut a long story short, I bought some jeans, which, whilst gorgeous, are so badly made that I've been back for replacements on average every three weeks since I bought my first pair in September. It's been a great way of getting new clothes more often than I normally do, although it's starting to get tiresome now.
On Friday, bless them, they slipped their Christmas Gift Guide into my bag.
Their lovely marketing people have constructed a 'problem page', where their resident Doctor Fashion, Dr Stefan Lindemann (oh please...doctor of what, exactly?) answers fake queries whilst plugging a couple of products. The Husband, the long suffering endurer of my griping was with me, and the following conversation ensued:
Me: Oh God.
The Husband: What?
Me: I'm clearly too old to be shopping at Next now. Look at this...they've got a fake fashion doctor answering fake fashion questions for people with so-called problems that I'm just too old to relate to.
The Husband: (sighs resignedly) Go on then, read it out...
Me: OK, listen to this one. 'I've got a crush on someone in the office. How do I make him notice me at the Christmas party...'
The Husband: Get your tits out.
Me: I hadn't finished; ...'without looking too desperate'.
The Husband: (thinks for a second) Get one tit out...
QED. Almost certainly a better bet than spending £38 on the the truly awful dress that they were plugging.
Now I just need to wait for a little more unreconstructed hilariousness so I can complete the trilogy. Part 1: Boobies, Part 2: Blow Jobs, Part 3: Beer.
* a major UK mid-market (but aiming lower these days) high street chain store.
Sunday, 9 December 2007
What Men Want. Part 1: Boobies
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7 comments:
Get your tits out - are you sure you're not married to my husband. Very funny.
Ha ha - let's face it, plenty of men would have said the same thing (and the rest would have been thinking it...)
Certainly better advice than that given by Doctor Fashion - 'be demure and understated'. Yes, and then watch him drunkenly groping the office trollop under the mistletoe - that's what happens!
If it were a real situation, I'd be nodding sagely, and saying 'one way or another, it'll all end in tears...'
Actually I thank God I had kids so I never have to very embarassingly try and seduce anyone at an Xmas party again...actually it was usually me insulting someone after one too many drinks.
Reason number 34 as to why I no longer have Holiday Parties....
EmmaK - Most drunk people tell others that they love them - regardless of whether or not it is actually true. A small minority choose to tell people that they are all arseholes, and why. Sadly, I also fall into the latter category. It's harder to wriggle out of the next morning, that's for sure!
AB - Wise call. We have our company one on Thursday; and it's our first 'proper' one too - last time I worked there, we had fish and chips out of newspaper in the office. I must stay sober or run the risk of telling the employees that they are arseholes...which would be Very Bad Indeed...
A doctor of fashion? Is this a post-modern joke. Your husband sounds very funny. You two could have a radio show. Dr and Mrs...
You know, I was so intrigued by the concept, I even googled him, just in case he actually had a Ph.D. and therefore a legitimate (although in my opinion, slightly pretentious) reason to use the title. No evidence, I'm afraid.
The Husband is indeed very funny.
When he's not being a miserable old bugger, of course...
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