Sunday 27 January 2008

Inventive Ways to Lose a Girlfriend...

It would seem that the vagaries of the fashion and beauty industries that inspired last week's rant are finally about to answer a question that's been bugging me for years.

Do men tend to require fewer and simpler cosmetic products because they really are less vain and more secure, or have the evil arch-bastards simply not found the right way to get to them yet?

Yesterday however, I discovered that increasing numbers of men, inspired by that David Beckham ad, are heading to beauty salons up and down the country to get themselves a Boyzilian.

Now, whilst both David and Victoria Beckham have kept UK hairdressers churning out replicas of their trend-setting barnets for over 10 years now, I hadn't predicted that this particular look would be driving British menfolk into the grasping clutches of the beauty industry in search of the perfect Back, Sack and Crack.

There's a cynical part of me is thinking it highly likely that the smooth appearance shown in the ad owes more to an ad designer's Photoshop skills than to those of hot-wax-wielding beauticians.

But the whole thing reminded me of a client of ours a few years ago who persuaded his girlfriend to model a product for festival-goers that he had invented and was trying to bring to market. The ad showed the product draped over her bare bottom, and she was surprised and delighted by the way she looked in it.

'Blimey', she said.'My arse looks really nice there doesn't it?'.

'You've got to be kdding me.', came the reply. 'It's taken me 6 hours in Photoshop to get it looking like that!'.

I wonder if they're still together?

16 comments:

Karen said...

What an asshole....pardon the pun...LOL. I think men in general are starting to think more about their beauty regimes. I've even got a few men Avon customers and it wasn't so long ago that that would have been unheard of.

Melissaria said...

It's interesting isn't it - for years, men have reasoned that a woman's tenedency to spend more on her beauty regime is simply evidence that she is more vain, insecure and gullible than her male counterpart.

It would seem that their arguments are on the way back to bite them on the arse, and I am watching with great interest...

Maria said...

I've known lots of gay men who product up, but I have always suspected that het men just snuck around moisturizing in private for fear of looking too prissy.

Melissaria said...

Maria: My ex-flatmate, a gay man, certainly had more expensive products for his face and hair than I ever did for mine!

I'm not sure about straight guys though - most seem to have a manky once-used bottle of man moisturiser in their bathroom cupboards, but seem to think it must work by osmosis. Until now, the regime for the average British heterosexual male has been simple - Shit, Shower, Shave.

The bit in the Boyzilian article about the 44 year old father making the 100 mile round trip to see his 21 year old female beautician made me think that there might be more to this craze than an overwhelming desire to get one's balls polished!

MommyHeadache said...

Wow! I just felt like what it must be like to be a man and see a pair of tits bobbing down the road. I tried to read your text but it all went blurred. All I could see was Beckham's package and I was drooling and stuttering.

Aaah, he is so hot. Don't know whether he's had a Boyzilian but it looks like he's got a shuttlecock down his panties.

Melissaria said...

There's a much, much bigger picture out there somewhere - I was going to use it, but thought no, it would just be unnecessary and gratuitous bollockage...

If you Google David Beckham Armani Pants Ad though, I'm sure you'll find it!

Ms Robinson said...

I just find Beckham too smooth. I like my men a bit rogueish really; you know the sort who get up, pull their jeans and t shirt on and look good.

Ok, there aren't many of them around but you know what I mean.

Melissaria said...

I certainly do - and would add that a smart woman should always be inclined to rate a partner's mind and conversation over how neatly they have had their bits waxed and polished!

Excuses accepted from committed swimmers or cyclists of course...

moi said...

This post reminds me of what ran through my head the first time Photoshop appeared on the graphic design scene: "Oh holy hell. What a Brave New World of illusion we're all in for." And then I merrily plumped and rouged the sallow, sagging cheeks of a client's PR photo.

At any rate, I appreciate you stopping by Moi's blob, even if it wasn't with the best of news. I'll be back to drop by more often, though!

Melissaria said...

Moi: You are very welcome, and I just wish I'd visited sooner, you talk a lot of sense!

PR, advertising - yes, all quite evil, but sadly, it does pay the mortgage and bills for so many of us, myself included!

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