It's been a while since I saw an ad that made me go all Gordon Ramsay - swearing and cursing at the screen, howling with derision at the idiots who produced it and the even bigger idiots who will doubtless be influenced by it. But this one left me temporarily speechless.
It's for a new 'Super Premium' sexed-up range of fabric conditioner, by Procter and Gamble, marketed under their familiar Lenor brand. The product steps right away from the usual Spring Meadow Summer Fresh type of fragrance that we're all used to, and brings out the dark sensuousness of wash day with delights such as Black Diamond & Lotus Flower, Ruby Jasmine, Amethyst Rose and Sapphire Violet.
Leaving aside the fact that three of those names sound like something that a Spice Girl might name their baby daughter - if the advert is to be believed, using these products will turn us all into irresistable, seductive temptresses, to be found dressed in slinky black nightgowns and writhing in orgasmic frenzy on our clean sheets.
P&G are very proud of their innovation. Their Trade Communications Manager, Paul Lettice would like us to know that
"We are confident the launch of Lenor Infusions will help to make the task of washing a more glamorous, invigorating experience for consumers with the 'infusion' of premium fragrances and sumptuous softness of Lenor.
In answering consumer demands for environmentally friendly products, the Infusions range not only invigorates and softens clothes to the highest Lenor standards, but is also more sustainable, using up to 70% less packaging per wash when compared to regular Lenor, which in turn means fewer lorry loads on the road. Lenor Infusions is a great opportunity for retailers to boost their laundry profits and drive incremental value.”
Oh fuck off.
Only the most deluded corporate bullshit merchant could contrive to weave a sentence which runs seamlessly from 'the task of washing' to 'a more glamorous, invigorating experience'. I note that he is also a man, but I'm not going any further with that one - draw your own conclusions.
As far as I can ascertain, the only way you could possibly combine those two wildly disparate concepts is to dress up in your best lingerie, set the washing machine to spin and...
...but as this isn't that sort of blog, I'd suggest coming to one's own conclusions with that one too.
This is a laundry product. There is nothing glamorous about laundry. Unless P&G can come up with a product which transports me to a place where I get to share a hot tub on my own terms with 5 inhabitants of my choosing from the Lost island, after they've actually done my laundry for me, I will not allow any further talk of washing and sensuousness.
And if you're likely to find yourself swayed by the environmental credentials of this product, please don't. Go out and buy some Dryer Balls instead. If you don't believe in tumble drying, I suspect they could also double up as a serviceable sex toy.
Reduce, Re-use, Recycle. And all that.
4 comments:
But doing laundry IS more glamorous….more exciting, spin-tingling, arousing, and sensual as well. Doesn’t everyone go to a greasy hotel in the middle of the night, rent a room, and roll in their freshly laundered clothing to feel clean? I know I do.
That was almost too stupid for words. There is a shower cleaning product here that you attach inside your shower and when you press it's little button, it supposedly cleans your entire shower. That made me laugh. Yeah. Right.
Sex sells. But, really....I like those dryer balls better. Cheaper. Better for the environment.
Let's see.....Sawyer in the hot tub is an absolute MUST, Jack, Sayid, Locke and Kate to even up the numbers....and me too of course. I promise I don't take up too much room and hell, I'll even do your laundry for the privilege :)
Queen Goob: Absolutely. And if you get involved with a new man and arrange to meet him in a slightly sleazy motel, it's the most normal thing in the world to hear him say 'and don't forget to bring your laundry, you filthy minx...'
Maria: If that shower product worked, I'd buy it! Does it contain little pixies with scrubbing brushes that come out and do the job for you? Now THAT would be a cleaning product worth having...
Gypsy: Interesting line up - Swayer doesn't do it for me, would have to get Desmond in there as well as Sayid, and would prefer Juliette to Kate...but the last 2 places - still thinking it through!
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