Tales from The Chair, Chapter 1

Every day, at least once, and sometimes up to three times, I am obliged to play the game we call The Chair.

I have a 14 month old son. I think you know where I'm going with this...

Three times a day, between 7am and 6pm, he gets strapped into his chair to face his opponent, who is armed with a bowl of food, a few spoons, possibly a fork, a drink, some fruit or a yoghurt and a big pack of wipes. Then the game commences. It normally ends when one or the other of us starts crying.

I'm lucky - my boy isn't really all that bad. He regularly eats good quantities of healthy food, so long as it is food that he likes. Unfortunately, 'what he likes' tends to be lovingly prepared, slow-cooked stews; hearty, wholesome soups, basically anything that takes the entire fucking afternoon to pre-cook and freeze.

Let's have a look at what he won't eat shall we. What do you think all of these ingredients have in common?

Ham, cheese, eggs (poached, boiled, scrambled), baked potato, baked beans, cream cheese, cucumber, avocado, pasta in tomato sauce, fish fingers, tomato, prawns, carrot sticks, olives, rice.

10 points if you answered 'they are all things that fall into the category 'Nutritious, Quick, and Easy to Prepare' of course!'

My strategy for October's round of The Chair must involve effecting some reduction in the pre-cooked hot mush . I have a book on order called 'Finger Food' which I really hope will strengthen my game. I will keep you posted.